Besides Gates and his crashing Windows, these things called passwords were created. Oh so many. Passwords are perhaps the worst joke of all.Fair warning – this post will be an attempt at bringing together a few funny tech jokes, one liners, zingers, gifs and an eecard. Some are old. Might even offend you. Hopefully one of them makes you laugh.
In the beginning…
Ok, trivia time. Did you know that the first computer dates back to Adam and Eve? It was an Apple with limited memory.
Just one byte.
And then everything crashed.
Well actually, IT people predate Adam and Eve. Perhaps some of these tech jokes do as well.
While there is not a lot of evidence that IT people predate them, there is this irrefutable anecdote about a doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer who are discussing whose profession is the oldest.
“Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor, “God took a rib from Adam and created Eve. This clearly means surgery and medicine were involved”
The civil engineer breaks in: “But before that He built the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering to me if I’ve ever heard it.”
The programmer thinks a bit and then says: “And who do you think created chaos?”
Not Very Long Afterwards…
Things were pretty bad in the tech world for a while. There was fire to discover, wheels to be turned, energy drinks to be brewed and Windows to deal with. There was this one time nearly 6000 or so years after Adam and Eve, where Bill Gates is having a drink with the CEO of GM.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32, at 10,000 miles per hour. There would also be cars that that weigh 30 pounds and get 1000 miles to a gallon of gas. The sticker prices of a new car would also be under $50.”
“Sure,” says the GM CEO. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes 4 times a day?”
To Ensure Chaos
Besides Gates and his crashing Windows, these things called passwords were created. Oh so many. Passwords are perhaps the worst joke of all.
But still better than your colleague using “incorrect” as a password… just because he gets reminded every time he gets it wrong: “Your password is incorrect”.
Besides Password Help, What Else Do We Do?
Nothing quite sums up the work we IT Admins are doing now do as much as this:
Or Maybe this (especially the finance people)
<generic lightbulb jokes>
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that’s a hardware problem.
Q: How many prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
</generic lightbulb jokes>
No One Would Argue We Aren’t Curious
Like the computer programmer who was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week.”
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.”
Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The man said, “Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”
And We Like A Good Corny Joke…
But we are always good for a few jokes.
Even if they are on the corny side.
Like the SQL statement that walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”
Or that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who can’t extrapolate from incomplete data.
All that said.
Hope you enjoyed some of these.
Have a safe and secure day.
Oh wait, lets end it with some really bad tech pickup lines
- Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type!
- I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.
- You must be an angel, because your texture mapping is so divine!
Ok no…this one is really the last one, and it’s some really good advice
Programming is like sex; one mistake and you have to support for a lifetime.
Do you have a good one that we missed?
Let us know.
Still want more funny tech jokes after that?
If you want more – this /r/sysadmin joke stream is awesome.